So, this week started with a birthday of a dear friend. She was a friend that just rocked. Her birthday was Monday and she was celebrating in heaven.
It hit me really hard on Monday that she is no longer here with us.
You see I don’t work with her any more, and I don’t see her family on a weekly basis so at times I don’t really remember that she is gone. It hit me like a ton of bricks on Monday. If you ask my coworkers I was moody and weird on Monday. This is because I did not know what to do with my emotions so I tried to be funny- that did not work. I tried to be normal- that did not work. Then I let myself be sad. It worked.
But, then I snapped out of it like she hit me with her laughter. It really was that quick. I was hit with the fact that I missed her because her heart was so full of love and joy. I missed her because my boys still have her picture next to their bed and I find them talking with her. (I love this and I know she does also) I know that her absence here with us will never be filled. I also know that her absence affects each person she touched differently.
So, I wiped my tears and I was full of the JOY that she still gives me. I was full of the fun memories. I was full of the music and laughter. This is what love is. Her touch on my family still lives. Her touch on my heart and how I speak to my children is still alive. This gives me such joy and makes my tears dry up and smile. See Cancer Sucks to read more about this amazing woman.
My perspective: Sadness is real and must be allowed. But the joy that people bring is the focus. The silly songs, the laughter that I pray will never escape my memory and I know will greet me again one day- that is what needs to be focused on. I hug my family a little tighter today and then we laugh a hard belly laugh.
Oh, and on a side note. I got flowers today from Mr.- let it be known the card stated “Happy Thursday” but they were delivered at the perfect time and made me smile. The world might end tomorrow, so love to you all!
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