So, people who know me in most anyway know I like control. I like to feel like I am in control of the different facets of my life. It can be a negative aspect of who I am, and it can be a positive aspect of who I am.
I am in a season of change in my life. All of the changes are positive. But at times I can feel out of control.
Family: My kids are back at school. I love our school and have faith in the administration and teachers. But, I don't have control of their day. I have to rely on my faith in the people who are with my boys all day. Also, this is the last year of elementary for Slick, a reminder that all of the moments are important.
Weight: I have let my weight get the better of me....lost control. I am in the process of gaining control back.
Grad School: I am in my final year of school. This means this season of my life is coming to an end. I love this. I am ready to be out of school. Yet, I mourn this change and the end of weekly community.
Ordination: I have an interview this week to begin the ordination process. I only have control of my calling, my words, and myself. I don't have control of all of the people sitting in the room.
Work: It is a season of what is next- of moving forward in what has been good and what can we do better. A positive change that is still change.
The hardest part of my life is letting go of control. This is hardest in my life of faith. It is the hardest and the most freeing thing for me to give control to God. I know that I am here to live out the best live I can in honor of God. This peace that I get in letting go of my need for control to a God that gives me grace and peace in times of change is strangely peaceful. The passage in Matthew 8:36, "He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." I have peace in the moment of release. Then I breathe and try again to regain my own control. It is a constant process for me. This is like a teenager who is learning how to apply the break in a smooth way. I remember the first time in the car when you need to slow down and you slam on the break. Then you learn that that hurts! You learn to apply slowly the pressure is a better way to apply the breaks. This is my faith life. When I let it build up and I have to slam in the breaks…it hurts. I must remember to slowly though out the day I must let go and give my life to God. This is a peaceful way to live into my faith.
Perspective: I know who I am and that I feel the need of control. The people who are a part of my life in so many different ways remind me that I am a better person when I; let go, breathe, pray, cry, take a moment and put it all in perspective. I am thankful for the many different people that can put me back into a good perspective.
