Control...and letting go.

So, people who know me in most anyway know I like control.   I like to feel like I am in control of the different facets of my life.  It can be a negative aspect of who I am, and it can be a positive aspect of who I am.

I am in a season of change in my life.  All of the changes are positive.  But at times I can feel out of control.

Family:  My kids are back at school.  I love our school and have faith in the administration and teachers.  But, I don't have control of their day.  I have to rely on my faith in the people who are with my boys all day.  Also, this is the last year of elementary for Slick, a reminder that all of the moments are important.

Weight:  I have let my weight get the better of me....lost control.  I am in the process of gaining control back.

Grad School:  I am in my final year of school.  This means this season of my life is coming to an end.  I love this.  I am ready to be out of school.  Yet, I mourn this change and the end of weekly community.

Ordination:  I have an interview this week to begin the ordination process.  I only have control of my calling, my words, and myself.  I don't have control of all of the people sitting in the room.

Work:  It is a season of what is next- of moving forward in what has been good and what can we do better.  A positive change that is still change.

The hardest part of my life is letting go of control.  This is hardest in my life of faith.  It is the hardest and the most freeing thing for me to give control to God.  I know that I am here to live out the best live I can in honor of God.  This peace that I get in letting go of my need for control to a God that gives me grace and peace in times of change is strangely peaceful.  The passage in Matthew 8:36, "He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."  I have peace in the moment of release.  Then I breathe and try again to regain my own control.  It is a constant process for me.  This is like a teenager who is learning how to apply the break in a smooth way.  I remember the first time in the car when you need to slow down and you slam on the break.  Then you learn that that hurts!  You learn to apply slowly the pressure is a better way to apply the breaks.  This is my faith life.  When I let it build up and I have to slam in the breaks…it hurts.  I must remember to slowly though out the day I must let go and give my life to God.  This is a peaceful way to live into my faith.

Perspective:  I know who I am and that I feel the need of control.  The people who are a part of my life in so many different ways remind me that I am a better person when I; let go, breathe, pray, cry, take a moment and put it all in perspective.  I am thankful for the many different people that can put me back into a good perspective.

Looking for Amazing Things

I just completed an AMAZING week at St. Andrew.  We had so much fun at our VBS!  We had about 500 people in the building (children, youth, and volunteers).

It was a week that was full of many things.  As the children's pastor, it is easy to view things in "how can we do this better next year" attitude.   Every day we looked on what happened each day and how we can make it better next year.  The problem with this perspective is that you don't focus on the amazing things that are happening.  You focus on what needs to be changed.

When I changed my perspective I saw:

- Children experiencing faith in a new and exciting way
- Volunteers putting their whole heart into make this week wonderful
- New families to the area getting connected to a church home
- All different generations working together (our volunteers ranges from teenagers to grandmothers)
- Over a thousand toiletry items donated to the Plus One Mission for our church.
- Our children's teams working together like clockwork
- (Personal note) A husband that came home from work early to cook dinner so I could just sit.

The week of VBS is an amazing week. What will you see this week when you change your perspective and look for Amazing things happening all around you?!?

May Madness…..June bliss?

I don't know who I was kidding when I said….when May is so crazy- I can't wait until June.  May might be crazy but this June is really no different; we are moving out of our first home, VBS is the end of the month, the boys have baseball tournaments, birthdays, etc. etc.

Why do we always want what is next?  My goal: I want to stop saying, I can't wait until…..

It is such an easy thing to say…..

"I can't wait until the kids are out of diapers."-----This might translate in your head that you clean less poop, but when you do…. it is everywhere from the toes to the nose!  You must also have 2 changes of clothing with you at all times for about 2 years.  This also means that pretty soon they will not fit in your lap after you pick them up from school......

"I can't wait until finals are over (you really can insert anything into "finals").  Yes, I might have a few weeks off school, but it is not long before I get  my book list for the next class and that list always takes my breath away!

"I can't wait until summer!"  This sentence last for about 2 weeks and then it changes to…."I can't wait for school to start."  Ok....that might be a stretch........but you get my point.

Ok, you get the picture…we can always wait for, wish for, the next big thing.   OR we can enjoy the moment that we are in.

I am not saying that every phase of our lives is always awesome…in fact at times it really stinks!  The picture above was a horrible Christmas when Dan was in the hospital.  But, thankfully I can now look back and find the good that was buried in the bad.  When you live into that moment it will turn into: a memory that you are happy to leave in your past, or a memory that you will treasure.

My perspective:  Keep your eyes on what is happening now.  Live into it…. the moments are so fast and every day is a blessing.  Honestly, even the bad ones they are a part of who you are.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, MSG After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.

14 years!!!!

Marriage is the greatest thing that I have ever embarked on.  We have had many wonderful times over the years.   

We have moved to our first home (and soon our 2nd), we have had two wonderful healthy boys, we have witnessed many friends getting married and having kids, developed relationships that are priceless. 

 We have also had our lows: 3 miscarriages, Dan in ICU and recovery from bacterial meningitis, and many more...............

But it all started at a little party in Nacogdoches, TX.  (Ax Em')

I meet this cute boy June 3,1997. 

He was playing volleyball (in green guess shorts). We then started small talk, had a few dates. It was not long before I knew this boy was something special. 


I will be the first to say that he is not the guy that I had in my head that I would fall in love with. 
In High School:
I liked: band, theater, church camps, church choir, mission trips, loved 'alternative music ,' and hung out at Deep Ellem on the weekends....He liked: soccer, sports, hunting, fishing, soccer, sports, hunting and fishing...Yet, when we met as 'almost adults' we clicked. We have always had a natural chemistry.  If fact after our first date I wrote in my journal, "I found the man I want to marry....not sure I am ready for this...." (6/03/1997)

like the acid washed jeans?

1990's selfie....

We still click. BUT----Now 14 years of marriage and 17 years together we have to work harder at clicking. I am not saying that I don't like him as much as I did when we first started dating, in fact, I love him more. 

But, I can easily not pay as much attention to him. I find myself focusing on our kids, my friends, the TV, school, work, my phone....and less time gazing in his eyes. This is the man that can calm me down faster than any other person. He can also drive me crazy faster than another person in the world. 

Why? Because he is my husband. He is always with me. He always has his feet firmly planted on the ground, when my head is typical up in the clouds. This works. It keeps us thinking of the future and dreaming, while reality is still a  part of the vision.
I am so grateful that we keep working to click. 

Mr. I love you so! Happy 14th anniversary!!

P.S. Despite the pictures below...we were not 12 years old when we said YES!